Welcome to Resources for Change. Issue 2

I have been thinking about spirals and cycles lately. Nature, ourselves, the seasons the moon, all are full of cycles; of beginnings and endings, of small deaths and rebirths, and yet we try to treat our lives and the world as if they were linear. It’s not; nothing in nature is linear; it’s all spirals and cycles. It occurred to me that the change process is also a spiral that loops between awareness, acceptance, and authorship, articulation, and application, and each cycle brings a step toward wholeness, integration, and peace within.

🐦‍🔥 Welcome

I’ve been thinking about spirals and cycles lately. How spirals turn and return, looping around the centre, and cycles are this continuous, beginnings and endings and new beginnings. It occurred to me that change occurs in a spiral that circles between Awareness, Acceptance, and Authorship. Each loop is not a repeat of the last but a new turn, bringing us a little closer to ourselves, a little more in touch with what matters.

Of course, it’s not always tidy. Not every change unfolds this way. However, I’ve found the spiral to be a helpful reminder that growth is rarely linear, and yet sometimes we want it to be. We so desperately want to be ‘there’ already, wherever that is, that we don’t always pause to appreciate what’s happening in the now. Real change can only occur with the total acceptance of what is, and sometimes looking inside is scary, especially because for some of us, that looking comes with judgment and not acceptance at all.

Awareness to Acceptance

Awareness is the first step in change. We can only change ourselves, and we can only change what we are aware of, and so allowing ourselves to become in tune with and present to ourselves is the first step in any change. Awareness on its own is insufficient; awareness can sometimes deepen the very behaviours and patterns we want to shift.

Why is that? What happens when we become aware of something is that our brains can be hardwired to judge the rightness or wrongness of ideas, feelings, and behaviours. We agree or disagree with statements that people make, and we have feelings about our behaviour and often feelings about those feelings. When those feelings revolve around anger, guilt and shame, we can get in an unhealthy spiral that reinforces the behaviours or patterns we are trying to shift. We want to ignore them or make them disappear.

We start to ‘should’ ourselves: “There I go again. Why can’t I just be different?” Instead of moving forward, we tighten the spiral and get stuck.

Acceptance changes everything. I recently became aware of a part of myself that i really didn’t like. It was a part that resembled Donald Trump at his worst and most belligerent. When I felt unheard, this ‘Trump Part’ would get his drum out and start beating it, getting louder and louder and louder. Well, that didn’t allow people to hear me any better; in fact, it often had the opposite effect. I realised that this part of me was really advocating for me, they were trying to allow me to be heard, they wanted me to know that I matter, and my ideas and thoughts matter too. The minute I could accept that, I was able to love that part of myself, and the minute I could love that part, I had authorship over it, not it over me. I started to realise that this part of me needs a hug, not a shaming, and probably needs me to tell them it’s okay, we've got this, or something along those lines. Now, when I notice my Trump part picking up his drum, I imagine giving that part a giant hug and telling them, ‘It’s Ok, we got this.’ Immediately, the drum is away, and my heart rate decreases a little; I have new choices and possibilities.

When awareness is paired with compassion, understanding and acceptance, something loosens. We create space for choice, for curiosity, for new possibilities. Awareness + Acceptance opens the door to Authorship, where we begin to choose how we want to move forward.

Virginia often reminded us: we don’t have to erase parts of ourselves to grow. Change is not about cutting pieces away; it’s about adding something new or transforming something old into something new. Awareness shows us what’s present. Acceptance lets us hold it gently and give it a hug, or integrate it into the whole.

Each of these spirals and cycles that we go through allows us to integrate new parts of ourselves, as we become aware of something else that we want to shift, we create a new opportunity, and each shift and integration brings us closer to ourselves, closer to wholeness and closer to peace.

Next time you notice a behaviour and you notice yourself getting annoyed or frustrated, or feeling ashamed of that part, see if you can instead discover what it might need to hear from you in order to integrate it, or even just give yourself a hug.

꩜ 🌀 Practice: Integration

Virginia knew that all humans are composed of many different parts; these parts are formed as we live our lives and are integrated into our identity. The parts we dislike are the ones that show up in the people who annoy us and the parts we want to ignore, amputate, or suppress. None of those things work; they only get those parts working harder. Real authorship comes with acceptance and integration. When we can love and integrate, then we can have authorship. Again, this isn’t always a one-off, and it’s also not linear, so don’t be put off if you don’t get it ‘right’ the first time.

Steps:

1. As often as possible, tune into yourself. When you notice a pattern or behaviour that you are judging, make a note of that.

2. Maybe you have more than one, but when you notice something repeating and coming up in similar contexts and it's something you want to shift, then you can begin.

3. Imagine that part, give it an adjective, visualise it, maybe its a person or a shape or a metaphor. Whatever resonates for you.

4. See if you can see how old it is. Does it come from when you were little, a teenager or somewhere else? Add that to the visualisation.

5. See how you can appreciate this part. What is it there to do? Protect you, advocate for you, what else?

6. Take a moment to appreciate it. Write down or vocalise what you appreciate about this part.

7. What does this part need to hear from you? Take a moment to hear the underlying yearning. Can you tell them out loud?

8. Give the part a hug, a word of acceptance or share what they need to hear.

Reflection:

It may feel strange to do this, but try to be aware of your body and what happens within it as you perform this exercise. There is often a release of energy that has been stuck and caught up in this pattern, and once you integrate it, the energy becomes available to you. If it fits for you, take a moment to journal your experience and what feels different.

💬 Leadership Application

Are there people in your team or organisation who really rub you the wrong way? It feels like you always bash heads or that you are often on opposite sides of something. In meetings and interactions, they frustrate you.

Often, these are the people who reflect to us a part of ourselves that we don’t like. A part we are judging and a part we want to bury. What sometimes happens is that instead of burying that part, we begin to mirror their behaviours, and each of us is a mirror for the other. I believe that often these people are there to reflect to us what we need to see.

Take a moment to see if this resonates with you. Remember that looking inside with love, compassion, and acceptance is what will enable you to shift. That part is there because it wants to protect you or advocate for you or for some good reason.

Can you allow yourself to notice a behaviour you are judging, a mirror or an opposite that is triggered because of their behaviour? Notice what happens when you look inside, and try the practice if you see a pattern.

Try it and see what changes for you.

💡 Keep a Journal to track your thoughts, insights, or drawings from week to week.

🔁 What’s next

• Next Issue: We will see what comes up between now and then and take a dive into whats next

🔛 What’s ON:

Resources For Change Foundations - Joburg: Saturday 18 October. ^{(If you have been to a taster or an intensive, you come for the venue charge only)}
Resources For Change Foundations - Cape Town: The dates have been changed to November. I haven’t finalised them yet. ^{(If you have been to a taster or an intensive, you come for the venue charge only)}
Beneath the Surface Communication Workshop - Cape Town: October 27-28
Leadership Development Workshop - Chapel Hill (NC): 10 - 12 November
Parts Party - November 2025 - ^{Email for details}
Leadership Consulting Group - Online Starts Jan 2026

📚 Resource Corner

• Video: Here is a longer video of Virginia doing a Parts Party for a couple

• Bonus: Here is where I created a whole lot of centring exercises, and I will keep adding to them - I haven’t yet.

• Research: Here is a new research article from the Journal of Family Therapy on Virgina’s model.

❤️ Thank you

Feel free to share this with those who would benefit.

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Until next time, with love and hugs,

Jo